She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The feeling are messing with the penis
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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