I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Houston, we have a blender
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
