drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
