Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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