The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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