So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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