We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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