just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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