somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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