I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
