Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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