I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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