It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
