naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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