what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
