i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
