im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
