HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
