I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Randomize
