Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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