I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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