I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
