how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
