Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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