What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
