I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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