Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize