Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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