Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
