I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
