he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
