SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
