it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
