i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize