hotel room ftw
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't deserve a penis
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
