my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She's the barista slut.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
