Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
