i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
