And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
