dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
