I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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