Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
