Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
