gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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