dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
