Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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