Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
