You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
