Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
