I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
