we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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