I think im going to throw up on grandma
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
