I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
