so explain again why im purple
no
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
