Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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