Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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