Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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