you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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