I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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