Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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