i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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