There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We are two peas in an std pod
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
