i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
