did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
