there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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