His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
