i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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