Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
