the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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