He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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