Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
