Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
