sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
