Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
