pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
