you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
