Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
