ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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