I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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