I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
